A Home Birth Story
I have to preface this piece by saying I wrote it for my son. Birth is a pretty personal and intimate experience, you only talk about when you are ready to with those you hold dear.. Every birth experience is entirely different, unique and complete just the way it occurs. And as for plans, well, things go as they are meant to and not always as we plan.. Why I decided to publish this, was because of how I felt reading Ina Mays Guide to Natural Childbirth. The entire first half of the book, is just a wonderful collection of birth stories that are actually quite contrary to the cinematized notion of the screaming, heaving and absolute chaos type scenarios we see.. It was rather empowering, special, connected and calm and I rarely heard stories like that except from some of my patients. That book, inspired me to feel courage and anticipate any occurrence to be okay, just the way it happened, no expectations.
If you're still interested in reading this piece, here it is:
The time I knew you were coming came on the Friday morning of a brisk February winter. I woke up and said to your father, I think we should go for a walk as he decided he wouldn't be going to work that day. And there it was, the gentle surges reminding me that you were to be arriving. At first they were every hour or so, and all I was interested in doing was enjoying the view on the walk and visiting the swans. They were kept at the end of the picturesque pond in a home they would be comfortable in, in the winter. I made it to see them and took in the beautiful family as I walked through the crunchy branches in my cozy boots. I often leaned in on your fathers shoulder's closing my eyes, trying to connect with the moment. He paused along with me, allowing me to experience and just be.
Walking back and forth is all I would do, till it was time to call the midwives later that evening. I was expecting what were called contractions, overpowering and even debilitating, but all I felt were gentle surges through my body, like a wave of tightening and release, as I thought, is this it? Am I going into labour? I continued with the Hypnobirthing breathing till we timed the surges to be 4minutes apart. It was now late in the evening, and we were told the midwives were on their way, and to get comfortable in warm water. I sat on the yoga ball, as your father and grandmother filled the pool. I knew nothing about what was going on there as I was still in the zone with trying to feel my way through this experience. I sat in the water as your father guided me in, seeing candles lit on our wall, lights dimmed, the diffuser releasing the essences I had chosen and music in the background. Now I don't recall how long I sat there for as time seemed to be irrelevant. It seemed to pass so quickly, and before I knew it, the first midwife arrived and asked to check to see how far along I was. I thought I couldn't be that far, I'm really enjoying this place I'm in. As she proceeded to check me was the first time I felt a jolt, the sensation I wasn't expecting. You're 8cm dilated, and your water is bulging ready to break she said.
We were pleasantly surprised and knew that your arrival was imminent... at this point I went back into the water and did not get out till you came to us. At your pace, your time. Your father and I waited together, as I held on to him. Your grandmother stayed in the living room praying for your safe arrival. And the midwives were collecting the required information and occasionally stepping into the room to check your heart beat. It sounded strong and steady as ever. They'd whisper, you're doing great, the baby is doing great, and hearing that I'd go back to the space within me. The ambiance couldn't have been more calm.
The next time I called the midwives in, was when I felt like I had to push. I could see the calmness moving further away and a sense of urgency to push come forth. I wasn't sure how I'd do it, but I knew each surge was telling me exactly what to do. The midwives said nothing till I said, I think I need to push. Okay, they said. Go ahead. I went along with what I felt and pushed, only a few times before I said, I feel the head!!! They responded by saying I was doing great and at this point I realized my mom, midwives, and your father were all in the room. It felt so right. I had wanted to birth you through the birth breathing technique I learned about, that involved minimal pushing, but in that moment I realized I didn't practice the technique enough to remember. Feeling your head, I thought, wow it's so soft, like silk, and it's under water, I should get you out soon. And with that final push, you came. I caught you and put you on my chest, and knew nothing but exhilaration in that moment. The midwives immediately put blankets on you and all I could see were big beautiful eyes staring right back into my soul. Those are my eyes I thought...
They asked do we know the gender?? I immediately replied, I don't care about that. I don't care. I spoke to you with a smile I couldn't contain and said Hello, welcome, I need you to cry now because they are looking to see you're okay. And as though you heard me you let out a gentle but strong cry then went back to looking at me with a calm curiosity. That's when the midwives said, okay we need to get you out of the water and waited patiently as I asked for delayed cord clamping. After that time passed, they handed the scissors to your father, and he cut the cord. That's when we got to see, you're a boy! Ezra it is.
Your father put you on his bare chest, as the midwives pulled me up and took me to my comfy bed. They asked him to put you on my abdomen as they assessed for tearing. As they did their jobs, you tried to find the latch. I almost helped you find the nipple when your father reminded me, let him do it.. After watching the videos on the newborns self latching, and the millions of neurons they build from that first breast crawl, I let you bobble your head up and down as you tried to find the latch on your own. We watched as you did this with great excitement and you did it! All by yourself without us directing you.
Like Mother Nature had planned, as you latched, I delivered the placenta without any injections of pitocin. The natural levels of oxytocin in my body guided it out, and I was left to hold onto you and explore your little face. The midwives let us have our space and did their examinations so efficiently and swiftly. I just watched you. When I had to have the rest of my exams, your father took you out to the living room to introduce you to your grandparents who had arrived. You came back right away even though I didn't want to part from you for even a moment, and you lay on our chest, mine and your fathers as we bonded skin to skin. There you were a healthy 7lb 10oz pink little fella, and we couldn't explain the gratitude we felt in that moment. Coming full circle, we realized the pristine calm yet powerful connection of the universe to each new being we encounter.. love and only love.
Photo credits: BliNC photography, 2017
